For me, three things are constant in life; death, Agberos and my many women.
I always have women. Every day, wake up to 20 missed calls from different women screaming that they love me. I am not a fine boy, neither do I have money, I just have skills.
The last time I counted, I had 15 women in my life, and each of them believe that I was the only one for them. I handle my business like a perfect fuckboy, the true scum of the earth, and Casanova’s only son. My middle name even has P somewhere in it.
P is for Player. Ronaldo and Messi joined together cannot match my women dribble skills. I can do Leg over, snake bite, and everything else just to avoid one woman catching me with another one. Clap for me.
But these women suspect that I am a cheat, but they have no proof. Like all legendary fuckboys, I don’t let them touch my phone. I don’t give them any social media shout outs. And when they decide to take pictures with me, I escape for my dear life.
"Honey, I am a very private person. I don't want people all up in our business, and putting pressure on our love. Can you do this for me, please?"
It works every time. Like magic.
So recently I tried an experiment. I had fallen deeply in love with Tekno’s recent single, ‘Yawa’. The song released in 2017 has all the hallmarks of being the next hit. It tells the story of a cheating Tekno apologizing to the love of his life, and eventually gaining forgiveness.
“If you leave me, yawa go dey, see gobe, baby yawa go dey…”
It’s like the heir to ‘Pana’, with a melody that is both infectious and immersive, straight from the hands of Masterkraft. I watched the video over 100 times and decided to try it out as an experiment. Shebi it is Tekno that sang the song? It will work. That boy has small sense.
play
Tekno - Yawa
(Instagram)
So one morning, I did 50 press ups to prepare myself psychologically for the experiment and drank 7 bottles of Orijin. This prank has to be original. After amassing all of the 15 women in my life, I sent them a bulk SMS which read:
“Dear beautiful sunshine of my life and the glowing moon in my night. I am sorry, I cheated on you with another girl. I didn’t mean to do it. It just happened. Please forgive me. I love you very much.”
I sent these messages out and waited for the backlash. And it came. I spent the next several minutes explaining to crying women that I was very sorry and how it happened.
“You are a bastard!” The first one told me. Small play wey I dey play.
By the evening of that day, all of them had broken up with me. But I was not worried. I had my secret makeup song in my arsenal. Tekno’s ‘Yawa’ will do it for me. Didn’t it work in the video? Did his girlfriend not forgive him? It must work for me. These women will not know what hit them. The God I serve will not forsake me.
I woke up the next day, ready for my next move. This time I pulled off 150 press-ups. And drank 12 bottles of Orijin. The more Orijin you drink, the stronger the originality. Just like my doctor said. Preparation is key to success.
I opened my WhatsApp, and sent all the women Tekno’s ‘Yawa’. I am a baby boy. Tekno is a baby boy. His song and my swag will make them all forgive me.
The first call came from Caro, the lady I love the most.
“Are you mad?” she fired. “What sort of nonsense is this?”
I was shocked. Apostle must hear this. "Please baby, just listen to the song..”
“I have listened to it, and it sounds stupid, just like your decision to sleep with another ashawo.”
And the call ended. That was the friendliest call I received from women. Turns out that the song did not work, but only made them angrier. One even recommended me to TB Joshua for treatment.
“Joey, you are possessed. Better carry yourself to TB Joshua to go and cast out this spirit from you. Useless man.”
Jesus! Small play.
Tekno’s ‘Yawa’ did not work. Instead, it put me in real gobe. In one day, I went from many women, to not even staying in the friend zone. I went from being Daddy Yo to Baba Fryo. From King Solomon, I had become Jabez. My name had changed from Playboy to suffer head.
I played myself. Till date, none of those women have talked to me, and I can still see their photos on Instagram, with new men that will not play with their heart.
One of them recently DMed me a photo of her engagement to a sharp bobo who has bow-leg. She left me, a fresh boy for a bow-legged guy.
Thunder fire Tekno. Thunder that has done 200 press-ups in Sango’s other room, fire Tekno well well. Idiot!
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